32 - TERESA MY FRIEND

Teresa is a name that belongs to an icon of Kolkota.  Mother Teresa will be canonised on 4th September 2016.  Her maiden name was Anjeze Gonxhe Bojaxhia,  so complicated to pronounce,  and so she chose a path of service to the poorest of the poor,  a path that is complicated and gruelling.

A few years ago,  I saw a man on the Kemps corner slope,  lying on one side of the road, in the hot afternoon sunlight, and a rat was nibbling  his toes.  It is a very busy road, and thousands of vehicles were driving past.   I assumed that he was dead, until he flickered his eyes.   What could I do?  I could not touch him or even talk to him, because I was so rattled at his state.  I returned home and phoned the BMC, assuming that the municipal authorities would have some sort of rescue tactics in place.  But they replied that,  'we do not pick up sick persons from the road,  we have no provision for such acts.  Please phone "the sisters'  of mercy".
And I phoned them and within an hour,  their van came to the site and carried the sick man away.  In that moment,  my respect for the Christians increased.

Since then,  there have been many occasions, when I have wished that I could have had the compassion and the guts to do what Mother  Teresa did,  to physically and emotionally,  help the poorest of the poor.  But I have befriended another Teresa,  who herself is the poorest of the poor. 

In reality, this Teresa has befriended me.  She lives on the footpath and ekes out a living by collecting, segregating and selling 'radd-deeh'.  All the shops along both sides of the street are her means of procuring  cardboard boxes, plastic bottles, used bubble wrap,  wooden supports etc.
She sweeps a few upper floor homes, in return for leftover food and old clothes.  She washes their toilets and bathrooms, in return for permission to use them when she has to.  But the most laudable thing about this Teresa is that she helps herself and she is always smiling for me.  I am just a woman she meets at the bus stop,  until my bus arrives.  She approaches me whenever she is nearby and strikes up a conversation in perfect English.  Her saree is  a faded, sometimes tattered, hand-me-down,  but she sports nail paint and bangles and a mobile.  The nailpaint is courtesy the nick-nack selling shop that she swabs, and whose garbage bins she clears.  The mobile is an old model that the owner wanted to replace,  from one of the homes she sweeps.

She has no home, and takes shelter on the shop steps, after they are shut.  She has a twenty year old son,  who helps her.   But it is sad that he has no education and no support to learn and earn a respectable livlihood.  He is doing drugs with some other bad elements off the streets. 

Teresa asked me for a favour once,  and I made an effort, to fulfill it, but in vain.   She requested me to help her open a bank account, so that she could save her hard earned money.  But a bank needs an Aadhar card,  and an Aadhar card needs an address, and an address needs a house,  which Teresa does not own.  And so I could not help her to get a bank account.  And the situation has not improved for the poorest of the poor,  no matter what promises our Prime minister Mr.Modi boasts about.  And aslo petty politicians, who being in the vicinity, do nothing to improve the lot of humans around them,,,,, Mr. Owaisi for example.  But then he may wish to only help his own community,  I presume.

But this has not caused any rift in her friendship towards me.  She continues to smile and chitchat with me, as long as I wait for my bus, at this bus stop.


 

31 - COMEDY NIGHTS AND MORE

I enjoy watching 'comedy nights bachao' on the TV, especially since Mr. Krishna entertains us so.  Celebrities are roped in and they bear the jokes that are cracked at their expense, so so very sportingly.  Usha Uthup, singer Altaf Raja, cricketeer Shrishant were the participants today.  All of them very sportingly bore the jokes at their expense.   It is so redeeming at watch famous people be comfortable with comedy.  My connection with Usha Uthup is since my childhood,  when she was the classmate to my cousins at St. Agnes High School, Clare Road, Byculla, Mumbai.    And that was one more incentive for me to enroll my daughter at this school.  I have very carefully preserved a notebook page with the song, Bom Bom Bom Bom Bombay meri hai,  which was written by Ms Usha Uthup herself, when she was studying at St. Agnes.

So, TV programmes sometimes become nostalgic for personal reasons.  Other times, advertisements that are shown, make me very angry and I feel so ineffective,  because although I want to do something about it, and I have tried in the past,  efforts to oppose them have proved futile.  It is very important that what is portrayed in TV ads, should be correct and harmless, if imitated by the viewers, especially children. 

Vivo oil for diabetics, show the wife frying purees in the hot oil and the 'diabetic' husband is singing praises for the new oil, and he is seated on the cooking platform, just next to the cooking range with the hot oil.  A very dangerous situation has been shown.  The other ad that is not in good taste, is the Colgate toothbrush ad, showing a teacher speaking to parents on open day at school, and the junior student tells the teacher that she had spinach for dinner, the previous night, because it is still stuck between her teeth. Naturo Sugarfree saccharine drops are advertised, where the husband wants nimboo paani after his jogging, and the wife and a very minor daughter remind him that the sugar will nullify his exercise with sugar calories, and that sugarfree is better.  The minor also agrees wisely.  Millions of kids who watch this ad, will empathise with the advise and resort to sugarfree.   The ad does not advise that it is advisable only for adults with diabeties or obesity problems, and is not good for growing children.

Indian roads are so badly maintained and yet there are so many car and bike ads. Easy loans and gifts are promised to buyers.  Families and lovers and even children recommend expensive vehicles.  Very misleading, because it is not as if buying a vehicle will solve your problems and make your family sublime with happiness.  Very often, bank loans are taken for vehicles and it is a cause of tension for so many families, that could have been happier without the burden.

Then the option for entertainment are the hindi soaps for most families.  Ekta Kapoor tends to hone into serials that build a rapport with the audience and let her laugh all the way to the bank.  As a teacher, I have realized that even very small children, example standard one students, are watching  TV  programmes, upto ten pm and very aware of the various characters depicted in the serials and can imitate and even repeat dialogues of many of the shows.  It was very tough, penalising students for the phrase 'babaji ka thulloo' and the accompanying hand action, that was so popular because of  'the Kapil Sharma Show'.

The typical 'saas bahu'  TV dramas, immortalise mean attitude, poisoning food, materialistic habits and emotional blackmail, as the done thing.  These shows also propogate heavy make-up, expensive jewellery and outfits and elaborate hairdos.  Very very phony.

I prefer watching news programmes.



 

30 - FITBIT TO THE RESCUE

An elephant has to be a weighty animal, while a deer is lithe and slim.   Can you say that a crow is overweight or that  a monkey is?  Of course, pets like dogs and cats can be categorised as obese, but that is because they are under human influence.   But humans can be labelled as overweight, and then that person is classified as lazy or greedy or sick in some glandular deficiency,  the thyroid is dysfunctional probably..........

An overweight baby is 'soooo cute'.    An overweight child is classified as its just  'baby fat,  it will wear out'.   But an obese teenager is  a mortified human being, because of the snide remarks and the behind-the-back ridicule.  And then the teenager grows into an eligible young person who is mostly lonely, because fat people are not deemed as good partners,   and so these unfortunate society dropouts take refuge in food and  magnify their problem.  The emotional turmoil becomes a physical suffering, as these fatties resort to any and every solution to a slimmer self.

Gyms advertise 'weight loss' programmes and gain lots of members,  but results are few and not everyone who joins a gym manages to lose weight.  Ads vouching for guaranteed 'weight loss or money back' are plastered inside the local trains and along the railway line walls.  Newspaper ads of ayurvedic products, promise quick weight loss if only you will eat the magical potion that they vend.  And magical weight loss is assured by TV ads showcasing  a 'hot' under belt type of garment of  three layers of  -- -- --,  that only needs to be worn next to the skin to ensure excessive sweating, resulting in weight loss.   One free liposuction for booking three sittings, is plastered all over newspapers and TV ads, showing before and after images, with a dramatic change.

  Bariatric surgery is also resorted to  to achieve the desired reduction.  But there have been too many tragedies associated with this option, unless you can afford 24x7 medical supervision like Neeta Ambani or Nitin Gadkari of the BJP,  did .    Although the patient's stomach is reduced by surgery, their appetite is uncontrolled and then it leads to death.  Many fashion models resort to regurgitation or vomiting, to maintain their zero figure,  leading to death through bulemia.  Princess Diana suffered from this disease and one of its causes is emotional blackmailing by others,  to lose weight.

Usually the male gender gets away with being out of shape.  So many men sport a potbelly and yet portray themselves as macho men.  But women suffer emotionally and tend to go into depression.  And when the wife bears children and looks out of shape,  the wayward husband bandies around with younger and prettier, size zero females.  With modern marvels at their doorstep, many women opt out of motherhood and let their egg be fertilised in a test tube and be implanted into a surrogate mother,  all in a quest to maintain their figure.

The most credible weight loss programme is a controlled diet and a regular exercise regime, and I think Fitbit has got it right.  You just wear the wrist band and it reminds you what not to eat, how many calories you have lost through your daily schedule of exercise or walking or cycling etc,  And it also allows you to compete with your friends online, anywhere in the world, wow!  It is the real weight loss genius of the twenty first century.

You may be overweight and be perfectly healthy,  and comfortable with your image, just like Bharati of Comedy Nights, or Hardy of Laurel and Hardy fame.  Then, let us hope that you stay that way.





 

29 - LONG LOCKS

In Mumbai, school starts after the summer vacation of almost one month,  with the  typical setbacks that a teacher faces, at such times.  In a co-ed or an only boys' school,  it is the long locks that boys sport.  Or some outlandish hair style, like a mushroom cut or the designer stripes.  The girls will have nail polish or mehndi on their palms, or hair cut in steps, which cannot be tied neatly at all.  And each class teacher has to then advise and cajole the students to please keep the school rules in mind and follow them.

But  students follow their role models that they watch on the TV and print ads.  Children who act in hindi TV soaps, always have long hair.  Boys then want a Reitesh Deshmukh style  aka Housefull 3.  Since schools are reopening after the long vacation,  advertisements are aimed at students.  A double page newspaper ad of D Mart, showing boys and girls in school uniforms, jumping with joy for new stationery and snacks and snack boxes and bottles and bags.   But all the boys have quite long hair, and the girls have shoulder length hair, tied untidily in pony tails.  Another ad of 'mindseed' shows a girl in school uniform with untied, shoulder length hair. 

School rules demand that boys should have a very short haircut and girls' hair should be very short or tied up or plaited, because that helps to maintain a well groomed self.  Besides it also keeps hair,  lice free.  Why do advertisers feel that boys with longish hair look good?  They do not.  It looks unkempt and untidy.

Very often, it is the parents that are to blame for this state of affairs.  A father who is balding,  cannot allow his son to get short haircuts.  A stylish mom wants her school going daughter to look cute with a fringe and curls.  As a teacher, I have to pull up the kids who have untidy hair, and end up as the villain, with the students and parents.

 

28 - KUDOS TO AIB'S GOVERNMENT OFFICES/THE BOSSTURDS.

Today I had a routine bad experience at a government office, and I searched the AIB videos to find one on government offices, and it was so true.

Any official papers that need to be sanctioned or formatted through a government office, take repeated visits and the papers are usually fraught with misdemeanours, which in turn need corrections, although the fault may have been committed by the government agents who processed the papers.  Where can one complain?  If you are foolish enough to do so, then you have jumped from the frying pan into the fire.

Opposite Central Plaza, at Opera House,  voter IDs are prepared, and verified and then handed over , a process across 6 months or more.  As expected,  there was some bungling and repeated visits were warranted.  The officials think that they are doing a great favour to the public and that everyone should pay obeisance to them.  The impression given, is that, no matter what your condition or job requirements, you are expected to wait and wait and wait, in silence, and suffer your turn.  These officials are rude and mostly intolerant, and condescending.

It seems there is no fixed timing for the office staff to report,  So, having waited for almost 2 hours, I needed to use the loo.   I requested to use the ladies' washroom and they could not find the key for the first floor WC.  The ground floor ladies' WC was in disrepair and so locked.  I was instructed to climb to the third floor, and try my luck, whether that one would be unlocked.  This episode was embarrassing because I had to request multiple persons for the toilet keys,  from one room, to the other, with lots of people waitng in lines, all witness to my suffering.  I spent about 20 minutes of this and then I used the gents' loo.  It was a gateway to hell.  Stinking, full of red spit splashes in the basins and the open gents' loos. The closet had broken window slats and nothing to hang my bag.  I was so demoralised.  Before leaving the office, I spoke my mind to the 'adhikari of all adhikaris' that I would buy a lock and lock up the gents' loo too.

As I walked towards the bus stop at Opera House, I read the ad of a bakery, at Blue Diamond, which sold cakes, one being a PLUMP CAKE.  So I could smile for a while.  And then near Cafe Darayush,  I witnessed the most incredible sight,  of intermingled wires between buildings, and entirely covered with years and years of cobwebs.....ouch.

The next sight to catch my eye, was all shapes and sizes of males, spitting  randomly, while they walked along the road.  It was more irritating than otherwise, because the road is narrow, and to avoid the traffic, you have to walk in close proximity to these spitters and be in extra danger of getting yourself in their range.  On the left side of the road, there is a narrow footpath, but  shopkeepers have displayed signboards and encroached onto the walking space.  So if you decide to use the footpath, you are expected to dodge the drips from overhead A Cs, avoid dashing into oncoming males, who walk without a thought for others in the range of their swinging arms and bruising satchels, or their protruding elbows, as they hold their mobiles to their ears and chatter away as they walk.

Then I reached the turn, under the railway overbridge.  The footpath which begins on the right, is a mess of broken tiles and accumulated gutter water.  The rest of the path is blocked by a family of squatters, whose naked kids are enjoying the squalor by making a mud tower.  And add to this the incessant honking.  It should be a silence zone for Saifee Hospital, in the vicinity, but who cares. 

And so, I was grateful when I came across the AIB spoof on government offices, at least.  All government staff should have workshops and be made to watch the "AIB government office/ the bossturds".  Maybe then things will improve.

27 - LIFE IN A MULTI-STOREY IN MUMBAI

I spent my childhood in Pune, surrounded with small buildings of upto 2 storeys and then when I was a teenager, the buildings were becoming taller and upto ten to fifteen floors.  I used to visit my aunt in Mumbai, who had a home on the fourth floor of a building.  The only problem was that it had no lift.  But the view from the balcony was wonderful.

Now I live in Mumbai, in a multi-storey building and I have never been so lonely among so many 'neighbours'.  The main interaction with others residing here, is in the elevator.  the cliche question 'How are you?'  and the cliche answer 'Am fine.'  Or sometimes it is the weather that is mentioned and heads are nodded in unison.

So it may be seen as an advantage that there are no nosey prods.  But if you assume that then you are so so mistaken.  Each and everyone is very aware of the going-ons of everyone else.  The first gossiper is the 'bai' who works in your house and maybe ten other neighbours' houses.  And there are the drivers and watchmen, who congregate daily and have ALL the details of EVERYONE and EVERYTHING, with a very up-to-date news of all residents.  Then there is the daily newspaper vendor, who is always informed if anyone is going to be out of town.  The daily bread and egg vendor, who rings doorbells twice a day, to sell his wares, and in the process, becomes familiar with every family in the building.  The watchmen who just have to keep an eye on comings and goings, are the ones who know the schedules of all the residents.

A birthday,  a navjote,  a marriage,  a funeral,  all happenings are known to the entire building, and if one is not invited, it causes a lot of bad blood.  In that case,  the routine 'How are you?' also is lost. 

There arise many reasons for confrontations.  Similar surnames means that letters get delivered to the incorrect recipient often.  Someone takes away your servant by offering her a little more salary.  The neighbours on either side get fumigation done for cockroach infestation and your house is suddenly flooded with refugee cockroaches.  The naughty grandson of so-and-so, rings your door bell and runs away, to watch you wonder who the visitor had been.  A servant from one of the neighbours always spits near the elevator door.  The dhobi who visits the other neighbour,  leaves his baggage and blocks your door while he is completing his transactions.

But there are as many blessings too.  You can watch a baby grow into a little lady and smile when you come face to face in the lift, of course.  Or you get a wedding invite to the wedding of the boy who was just a teen when you saw him first.  The old bachelor who always cracks a joke whenever you meet him, in the elevator of course.

A multi-story building is like a little village.  And the co operative society committee is the governing body that everyone obeys. 

 

26 - PARIS VERSUS EGYPT, JAPAN AND INDIA

In Hindi, the term is 'shauchalay'.  Crudely, it is also called 'sundaas',  and all over India people comprehend the term 'toilet'.  But in Japan they do not, except for the English speaking persons.  When visiting  any foreign country, and even in India, you can easily find a toilet, if you visit a mall.

  In Egypt, that was difficult, because travel demands self control as the roads are bordered with farms or stretches of sand.  Stops are far between and toilets are not so well maintained in most places, especially at the pyramids and the Valley of the Kings.  Entry is restricted with strict rules of scanning machines and electronic detectors.  Even bottle openers and nail files are confiscated before entry into the pyramid sites.  Very high tech, and the guards, both male and female are very tough, but the washrooms on the premises were disgusting and dirty and unclean and stinking.

In many places in India, and specifically in Mumbai, it is the same story of unhygienically maintained loos.  Very often,  there are no public loos and it is an embarrassment if you need to answer nature's call at a place like Crawfrod Market, or at most of the local stations or at any place around Mumbai, unless the 'shauchalaya' board can be seen, and even then, you may be out of luck, if  it is shut.

While at Crawford market, there is one restaurant, that is popular, because it allows its customers to use a decent loo, otherwise there is no option, except to control your urge.  Sometimes I wonder why so many shop keepers and workers suffer the absence of this basic need.  I have witnessed many of the hawkers and 'tokriwallas' urinating in the narrow gaps between building in the area.  Since the roads are narrow and crowded, there is no option while one is walking there, but to suffer the sight, as they do it in full public view.    If you visit the Gateway of India,  you will find the public washrooms in the area just before the check-in point on the right.  There are long lines and it will be at least 15 minutes, before your turn comes.

Chowpatty beach is an open toilet for the beggars and squatters.  As is the state of many of Mumbai's beaches.  If you are walking along a footpath, you should be careful that your foot does not fall through the gap dug onto one side of the sewer lid, or even the MTNL lid. These gaps are dug by the pavement dwellers to dispose of their human waste.  Because even if there is a public toilet nearby, they will not pay to use it.

At the CST station, the toilet is over crowded and the doors do not latch.  But a new shauchalaya in the island across GPO,  is a very clean, free and well maintained toilet.  There is an interesting fish tank at the entrance and it is spacious and hygienic. Such a loo should be replicated at  every local station of Mumbai.

While travelling in Mumbai locals, one must suffer in silence, as there are no toilets on most stations.  Once we did find a toilet at Charni Road station, but the ladies toilet was locked.  It was about 11 in the morning, and yet the loo was locked?  Bandra has a very dirty toilet, in a forsaken corner.  Virar has a shabby pay and use loo near its entrance,  but the window slats are broken and you have to be aware that the passing public can see you go about your task.

Most Indian males have no qualms about urinating in full public view, near any wall that takes their fancy, or where no one will shoo them away.  So it is only in India, that walls have tiles of  'gods and goddesses'  embedded into them, to discourage males from defacing them with urination.  But the Indian male is so blunt, that I am aware of at least 4 such facebook dps, where they have displayed themselves urinating near a public road,  disgusting mentality.  Are they trying to show that it is a great picture and that it should be eternalised as their dp?  Please note guys, such pictures only show that you have a crude mindset that has not evolved into a  higher level of gentlemanly expectations.

 The worst scenario is at the Saifee Hospital Chowk.  One side of the road has this world class hospital, gold jewellery shops, expensive electronic showrooms, the famous diamond merchant's enclave, banks, a famous college and on the other side of the road is the Charni Road station, and at any time you can view a few male travellers, urinating against the station's built in pillars within, before they board a train for their long journey home. 

Mumbai is divided into various municipal wards, so that these can be maintained well by the local bodies.  They have done stupid things in the last few months, like installing garbage bins exactly at a bus stop, and exactly at the opening of a zebra crossing.  Why does the local body not understand the need for public toilets,  at least for the 'izzat' of females, but please do not build them exactly near a zebra crossing. 

Upto now, I can say that the most impressive toilet was the one at the Paris airport.  It was very clearly visible with  larger than life  male and female figures painted very aesthetically.   The interior was very clean and the large mirrors were spotless.  Each cubicle had the option of soft music and perfumes, and the loo lighted up when in use.    My description belies the beauty that I beheld in that washroom.  In Japan,  you needed to find a mall or a restaurant with the facility,  and of course all the tourist spots had clean loos.  In most places in Japan, the loos had electronic options for warming the seat, music, automatic washing etc.  It was like 'wow'.

Also they have painted on each cubicle door the option available, western or western with a baby holder, or a child option, or a Turkish toilet (similar to our Indian loo, but with a ceramic hood at the lower side.  In Japan,  the toilets are very child friendly, and lots of options are built in.  Near one Japanese shrine was a very small washroom, about 2 feet square, with a small squatting style loo, and a flush tank behind it, and a wash basin above the flush tank,  so that when the basin was used to wash hands, that water would fill the flush tank and be reused to clean the toilet.  It was a very innovative idea and should be replicated everywhere.

I can comment on the state of Indian loos, especially at major train stations, bus depots and tourist spots, because of my bad experiences at each place.  Kurla terminus, Bandra terminus, Mumbai central station, at the zoo,  at Crawford market, at Mahim station, at Matunga station or even outside the station, there is no toilet or a very  dysfunctional one, with broken windows, torn curtains instead of doors, no lights, sometimes locked.  And these are places where I have gone specially to shop for hours and hours.

Recently, Mr. Rishi Kapoor, our famous Bollywood actor of yesteryears aired his disgruntlings about famous landmarks being named after the Gandhi Nehru family.  It is very interesting to note that the Congress party, inaugurated a public toilet with the legend 'Rishi Kapoor Shauchalay'.  He should be proud of this because at least the public in that area have a clean washroom now.

I sincerely request all our famous and fame-seeking fraternity to sponsor public washrooms at strategic spots, thus earning the gratitude of the public at large and to further our prime minister's dream of a clean India in one small way.  Also for the comfort of tourists, who will then remember their names as a novel contribution to the public.