10 - TWITTER MADE ME BITTER

The current problem that I have to overcome is my daughter's status.   I was just recalling  when my parents were looking out for a match for me,  the 'obstacles' that had been paramount.

 The first question was whether I was a graduate.    To my sorrow,  I had not seen the need to graduate.    My parents always reminded me that God made a woman to bear children and rear them and to care for a family.   Housework was important,  not being a graduate.   But the 'boys' demanded that first.

The next question was whether I would 'work' after marriage.    My mother would vehemently say 'of course not!'    I was touted as a docile housewife material.   Not too many 'boys'
 wanted an ordinary wife.

The next statement would never be worded because it was for all to see that I was not a fashion diva.   My father believed that a girl should be simple and that's it.  No make up, no stylish haircut,  no latest jeans and heels.   So all this played against me when ever a boy agreed to visit with marriage on his mind.

And then,   a boy agreed to marry me.    He was happy that his wife would not be more educated than him  or earn more than him.

But in this age, education and salary is not the issue that prospective couples compare.  It is their internet ratings.   How many tweets,   who are the followers,  and what topics are being brandished on the individual's twitter account,  is the bone of contention.   Who is saying what as a response,  seems to cause a lot of heart burn.     The male ego is offended if the girl has a much larger following than him.   He quarrels and argues and causes bad blood in the relationship.  What?  The girl's  tweets are 59.1K with 11.1K followers?  And the boy has only 11.7K tweets and only 376 followers?  A very huge ego battle ensuses and escalates and destroys affection and respect and trust. 

The girl is expected to allow the boy to access her passwords and then he  plays havoc on her twitter account by  deleting - questioning  the integrity of any 'follower' - and interfering  by posting  his remarks  etc.      The intention of certain guys who he feels are not honourable enough,   are deleted ASAP.    The boy behaves like a censorboard official.   His whim and fancy are not to be questioned.   If a certain twitter follower on the girl's account makes him see red,   then that person has to be axed from her account.  A taliban mentality. No explanations,  only tempers rise.  The tragedy of Shashi Tharoor and Sunanda Pushkar is a glaring example of twitter hacking leading to death.

No problem in that if the girl is ready to be a doormat.    But my daughter is not of that category and so the problem grows.     She checks the boy's account on twitter and questions him about the sleazy girls that follow him.   'What can I do about that?'   "I am on twitter, only to enhance my professional contacts."     What a sop.   Come on boys,  don't let a mere twitter account hurt your male ego.   Grant the girl the expertise she has used to achieve a large twitter following.   And please don't be so petty as to blame it all on 'disrespectable conversations'.

If you are man enough to court and woo a girl of that caliber,  then grant her the liberty of being professional and respect her abilities.  Cherish her integrity and nurture faith and trust.  It is so unfair to try to crush someone else's twitter account when that is exactly what had brought you both together.   And it is your loss if you mistrust her at every step,,,,,,,trust has to be paramount in true love and future happiness.   In any relationship and with any girl,  there are times when suspicion is aroused but one must see the truth and not be swayed by rumour.  To trust anyone,   you must give them a chance to be trustworthy.  And it begins with not letting twitter get the better of you.

  But because I have been witness to the break up because of an ego tussle about twitter,   I am very bitter about twitter.

9 - DISILLUSIONED

I visit the market  almost daily.   Mostly to buy fruit.  But lately the strawberries seem lack luster.   Actually  these were my main purchase because strawberries are a cancer preventive.  Since I lost my husband to the disease,  I wanted to use preventive measures to keep his children safe.   But to my sorrow,  it has now occurred to me  that that is not the only cause of malaise that can affect humans,,,there are emotional stresses that can kill too.

So now the strawberries do not seem so important in my scheme of things.

This season of grapes and oranges and pomegranates was always a delight for me.    Buying wholesale and then juicing the fruit was always a source of joy for me because it made my family happy.    But lately it does not make me happy to make anyone else happy,  since a certain visitor has taken away my joy of life.     I never thought that one person could destroy and crush me so.

Now I buy the fruit but have no will to juice it.  They rot and get thrown.   I know what I must do but my will is gone.    The futility of life when dreams are broken and promises are forgotten.  And the worst part is that that person is oblivious to the sorrow that he has caused.

This time shall pass too,  but will never be forgotten.

8 - NO TIME,,,,,,NO INTENTION.......NO CHIVALRY.

A friend of mine has just posted this famous poem on his facebook status.....no time to stand and stare........

We are all free to do what we want and yet we are not able to do whatever we would like to accomplish.   I would love to practise my music and learn to play the violin.....but priority takes over and housework tires me out.....so music is shelved. 

The current obsession on my agenda is "finding"  a groom for my daughter.    How can I make her marry any man when she has a mind of her own???    One 'suitable groom'  wants a slim girl and insults a girl by  telling her to 'look elsewhere'   ,   while another  'probable groom"  backs off for not being able  to stand up to his family for 'his love'.     Where are the 'Prithviraj Chavans'  and 'Ranjhas" of today.........no,  love is not a sacred word anymore.  The young man of today is too weak to stand up and support the girl he professes to love and adore.     It all fizzles out when he is put to the test of true love and has to live upto the vows he made in private,  to win over the girl.   Dear boys of the world,  a girl needs you to be true and faithful and then you will get faithfulness in return.

What I abhor is that uncannily,  it is usually the boy's mother who  is the one to object and prevent the son from living upto his 'promises' to his chosen girl.   The mother,  a woman herself,   destroys another woman's world.   The mother,  a woman herself,   forgets that she too was accepted by her mother-in-law not so long ago.  Even an arranged match needs adjustment.    

This message is for all 'mama's boys',,,,,  please do not delude a girl into a romantic relationship unless you have the guts to fulfill your commitment to the girl. 

So,  just as I have shelved my love for playing the violin,,,  the boy who has  ;'no time'  must not be adventurous and should please his mother only,,,,,,,maybe he is the type who will always tell his mother and sister  that they are  the only women in his life.     Such a boy should never marry and give his wife the second place in his heart......after all his mother is a wife first and has her 'first place' in her husband.s heart already.    Besides if there are siblings,  then the mother loves all,  so why should one of them pretend to love her more than anyone else??    Since I have come across this real life confusion,  it belies probability  and logic.

So the paramount problem that I face is how do I find an acceptable match for my daughter......she has a mind of her own that is so difficult for me to decipher.

 

7 - THE AMBANI ROLE MODEL

A very rich personality,  someone who had all the good things in life,  and was obviously out of shape,  was woken up by a taunt,  to get back into shape.  Aka Abraham Lincoln, who grew a beard on the advice of a school girl.   Our rich and wise man, is Anil Ambani.   Anyone who goes for early jogs along Marine Drive,  is familiar with this man's sincere commitment to achieve and maintain the goal he set for himself,  to keep in physical shape.   No matter how rich one is,  each one has to work hard, to keep a non paunchy figure.  This sincerity has earned him my respect.

I  have started going for walks along the sea face,  to motivate my daughter to become slim -  a goal she has to achieve, in order to live upto the expectations of eligible bachelors.    We also go to the Hanging Garden, via the secret steps.    The garden is pristine,  but the vehicles and stalls on its outskirts are a painful experience.  Expensive cars are owned by rich people,  who display their callous side by honking unreasonably,  breaking the one way rule to suit themselves,  eating and drinking and littering the road.  The two gardens have fountains that are switched off by 8pm.   So whenever we manage to visit during the 'on' time,  it is a very aesthetic experience.

The problems along Marine Drive are caused by vehicles too.  The police encourage 4 wheelers and 2 wheelers to park on the beach and the footpath along it.   Pedestrians have to dodge vehicles while walking on the footpath,  and the last straw that breaks the camel's back,  is the audacity of the riders to honk nonstop when they approach pedestrians from behind.

Along the seaface,  hawkers are all targeting the public to buy neon lighted bands,  'make-a-wish' lanterns,  lighted up hairbands,  tea-water-bournvita,  When I used to visit the seaface as a child,  I can recall only the freshwater coconut sellers and  vendors roasting corn-on-the-cob.   The problem with hawkers is that they make the beach their home.   They live on the beach and use the sea as their open latrine.   That is the dark side of allowing anyone to earn a livelihood unchecked.   Sometimes,  I almost feel that I'm walking along Dharavi.   But the people are almost oblivious to the vicious circle that they create, when they provide sales for these squatters.

  Now it is the rule that every walker has headphones plugged into their ears,  or they are listening and chatting with someone on their mobile.    And the 'selfie' fad is the most popular obsession I have observed.   Once dogs had been banned from being walked along the seaface,  but now,  dogs are walked here and no one enforces rules that were once set,,,,,,,,and then the rules 'are forgotten'.

The majestic Saifee Hospital is aesthetically illuminated, a treat one can witness only as a night walker.

Nowadays,  it is the wedding season and at the gymkhanas across the seaface,  gaudily decorated and ostentatiously lighted up shamianas are seen almost daily.   What makes me angry is that there are always people trying to cross the road randomly,  braving the obstacle of having to climb over the  cement road dividers.  And of course, the 2 wheeler dare devils,  who decide that they can speed and shout and 'enjoy' themselves.

As we take our round along the seaface,  we observe the  'serious walkers'   wearing expensive nikes and adidas shoes and the 'evening out'  ones,  who just prefer to  sit along the platforms.  The next category is that of the lovers,   sitting very close to each other,   some of them a bit apart-arguing with each other,  and others with little kids playing nearby,,,,,,,every stage highlighting the time frame of the relationship.

The walk along the sea face,  is a refreshing experience,  in spite of the numerous downsides.   God has made the sea have its soothing waves, that you can fine tune your ears to be able to hear.   And the sky above which encompasses eternity,  keeps me enthralled and motivated to walk along the shores of the Arabian Sea.

6 - A VISIT TO A NEW CITY - DELHI.

Having grown up in Pune and then getting married in Mumbai,  was in itself a big adjustment for me.  From the quiet town of Pune,  Mumbai is a comparatively noisy city.  And recently I travelled to Delhi and realized that it is quite a different experience from all that I've experienced upto now in my life.
The first difference is the weather - it is hooooot and tiring to walk anywhere.  Taxis are few,  and the manpowered cycle rickshaw is prominent.   The next mode of transport is the green and yellow auto,  which have a negotiable fare.......the meters are not used or are invisible.  Then there are the public buses - the white line, the orange line, the green line and the red line buses.   The red buses are AC.  Delhi bus stops are comfortable to sit at and shady,  but very difficult to climb down from as they are at a height of approximately 2 feet.   A passenger has to walk around the side slopes or take a chance at high dive, when a bus arrives at the stop.    The orange and red buses arrive with a whoosh.   The conductor sits near the centre door and issues tickets as people board the bus.   Buses are used only by lower middle class people as I observed,, rich Delhites  own cars or use the metro.

The tarred roads are smooth and clean,  and road signs are painted in green paint on white arrows, in Hindi, Punjabi, Urdu and English.  Posh bungalows line the roads and these are preceded by green bushes and grass.....very scenic but not populated and too lonely to walk along after 6 pm.   The only poor people we saw.  were at Chandni Chowk and  cycle rickshaw ownere sleeping in their  vehicles.

Another peculiar sight in Delhi was that at every signal,  hawkers were selling slices of fresh coconut.  And orange vendors would cut the fruit in half, dip it in salt and chilly powder and then give it to you. In the dirty and congested Chandni Chowk, road vendors were selling papdi chaat,  which my daughter enjoyed tasting, but I refrained since I do prefer more hygienic  cooks.

THE METRO   is wonderful,  one can travel through the yellow line, then onto the red line,  then go on to the blue line,  only problem is that your bag has to go through the  x ray machine each time.  The most populated places are the metro stations and the tourist spots,  otherwise Delhi seems lonely.  Chandni Chowk is a dirty, gutter strewn road,  which was the only congested area that I noticed.
If you visit the monuments then be prepared to give up your bags, stand in long ques for tickets and brush shoulders with Hamid, Hardik amd Hema.  We travelled through 4 different metro lines that were interconnected and even visited Haryana.  There we went to the Cyber Hub,  a very populated and hi end mall,  to visit a certain restaurant called Sodabottleopenerwala,  which my chef son was very very eager to experience but he shied away from meeting the chef who he follows on instagram.  The highlight of his visit was that he use his Go pro to his heart's delight.

The saving grace of Delhi is that people are not addicted to spitting.  Roadside stalls sell fresh fruit juices and not paan, unlike  Mumbai.     Cannaught place has high end designer stores but restaurants are difficult to find and if you do spot one,   it is over crowded.   We wanted some medical stuff and could not find a chemist far and wide,   from delhi gate to chandni chowk to all the tourist spots that we visited.     Humayun's tomb,  Qutub Minar, Agresar ki Bavli, Delhi Haat at INA, the Doll museum, India Gate, Red Fort, Jantar mantar, are great historical monuments but be prepared to remain hungry, because we could not find food spots near any of these,  except the mobile Mother Dairy ice cream vans.

The Delhi Zoo was not quite what it is hyped up to be.  You have to stand in endless ques for the entrance tickets and then your bags are frisked rather roughly,  and all plastic bags are confiscated.    Once inside the zoo,  you are welcomed with a lovely fountain and then another long line for the 'battery operated trolley',  an open van that takes the yellow banded tourists around the zoo in short drives.  The zoo is too vast to walk through.  And the enclosures are too tiring to go through, as the van  only drives through the main  path.   We missed the giraffes and had to walk endlessly to find their enclosure.  Everytime we spotted the van and had to board it,  it was like a game of musical chairs,   because only when someone alights along the route, is when the previous folk can re board it.  The zoo was the only tourist spot where food stalls were being operated outside the gates.

So, if anyone wants to lose weight, then visit Delhi for quick results.
.

5 - FACEBOOK

I was forced into learning to use a computer by my school.  All teachers, old ones, very old ones, young ones and the reluctant ones, had to complete a painfully obscure computer training at a certain training centre at Siddhi Vinayak, Dadar.  I recall that the journey to and fro was the most strenuous part of the month long venture. 

Before this, we already had a computer at home,  but my children banned me from using it.  The main reason was that I managed to hang it up every time,  or I would ask so many silly questions in order to complete my assignments that they would lose their patience with me.   And then, the cleaning of the dust off of the endless wires, which almost always left the computer unusable because something would be disconnected and then everything would be blank.  But that seems ages ago.  Now I am quite savvy in completing worksheets and test papers for the school on a computer.   I also use e-mail and I can brouse the internet and download videos with a little help.   Writing a blog is the latest challenge that I have taken.

The beginning was a disaster,  with different blogs that somehow got lost and could not be traced and then my daughter came to my rescue.   But now she says that Google will soon ban my blogs.  'Because mummy' she says, 
'you are not using correct punctuation.  And you are randomly leaving spaces between words.'  etc etc............When I retorted that Google would not bother with so many details,  she said that 'the bot' would detect all these mistakes.   'A bot',   really,   am I expected to believe that?   

Referring to facebook,  I am so so addicted to it.   I can converse with anyone anywhere on earth-wow!     The down side is that it has brought tears to my eyes and made me very vulnerable too.   THE MESSAGES are the most emotional quotient of anything that I have ever encountered.  My life now revolves around the message box of my facebook site.  I am able to get in touch with persons that I would never have spoken to, if not for fb.  So,  I type what I want to discuss and then the tick appears, as if by magic.  But when a tick fails to appear,  it is a mood-disaster.   I am unable to function normally until the tick appears and I know that my message has been read.    I read the return messages, and make decisions for so many important events.  The boy my daughter wants to marry contacted me via fb.  Now it is a rollercoaster of emotions,  will they or won't they marry.   The denials, the frustrations, the shared confessions and the impromptu jokes with little faces to send and receive called 'emotions'.

What a wonder is this technology.  Amazing!

4 - TEACHER'S DAY.

Teacher's day is unique to India,    thanks to Dr.Sarvepalli Radhakrishnan.  My school students perform dances to entertain the teachers.  Then we are treated to lunch at a hotel.

The painful part of teacher's day celebrations is that I am expected to accept  'gifts' from students.   Usually these are flowers (natural and plastic ones),  red pens, chocolates (mostly dubious ones, or the Celebrations box meant for kids), and of course. the all time favourite gift-the tea mug.    And then, the cards,  most of which are the Archie's brand and so each teacher gets 7 to 8 similar ones.     Some parents let their kids design cards and each teacher gets a few 'masterpieces'.   It is a rare occasion when a parent sends an interesting and worthwhile 'gift' for the teacher on Teacher's day.

The lack of imagination and innovation by big brands like Cadbury's and Archie's,  is to blame for the sad choices that the student's parents make for gifts.  Pens, purses and watches (mostly cheap raste-ka-maal) are the main objects that parents assume they can gift teachers.  The male teachers receive neckties and cheap deos.   And some teachers receive placards and frames,  with inspirational words eulogizing teachers.   Parents expect teachers to display such frames and posters in their home and treasure them?  Do not forget that teachers are  fond of ordinary utility items,  same as you. 

On 5th September,  the happiest persons are the plastic flower vendor  and the natural flower vendor on the footpath outside schools.  Why is there no practical merchandise available for Teacher's day?  Dear parents,  I am writing this blog so that it can be an eye opener for you.  How will you all realize that most of the 'gifts' are given away to the peons since they are not of a good quality,   unless someone tells you this?   If you buy anything to gift your child's teachers,  do introspect and empathize as to whether you would like to be at the receiving end.     Once I even received a beautifully packed wallet that had been used and the zip was spoilt. 

I have a simple remedy for the follies of parents.  It is very easy for any teacher to involuntarily dislike the student who gives a cheap gift.  My policy is to try not to remember which child gives what.   And I never accept flowers.  Simply because I think it is futile to accept flowers and then discard them into a bin after 2 to 3 hours.  It would be better that parents would not waste money buying them.

Maybe it would be more practical and useful for students to contribute towards one common gift for a teacher.    Then the gift would be worthwhile and memorable.

There is nothing else to write about this day,  simply because there is nothing more that happens to ordinary teachers.