64 - DOTAGE, A CURSE . . . AND OTHER CURSES , NAMELY MAHUL . . .

If you are superannuated from your  job, then you get gratuity, provident fund and maybe a pension.  But your pension is given only if you have been employed at the same place for the last ten years or more.  In India, you are superannuated at 58 years.  And after that, you are due to a pension every month.  But.......

Central government employees get the highest salary and so their pension is also the highest in India, from rupees nine thousand upto one lakh, fifty thousand per month.  Wow! Just imagine what their salary would have been.  State government employees are the next well paid pensioners, including BEST employees,(and how they boast about it),  and private workforce employees like me are the lowest on the pension scale.  Hardly in 4 figures.  My pension is so little that I am almost ashamed to proclaim it,  it wouldn't pay one visit to my diabeteologist, forget paying for the medical tests that someone who is superannuated has to undergo, in our dotage.

Beside the renumeration discrepancy, between government employees and others, the pensioner has to visit the pension center or the EPFO (employees provident fund organisation) at Bandra east, every year, or the pension is not granted into that person's account.  It is to prove that you are alive and well and deserving the pension, or it goes to the spouse, or it is supposed to go to any minor children, which is hardly a possibility, unless the pensioner has died on the job, after 10 years, that is.

And so, it was time to visit the EPFO.  To access the Bandra east office, I had to walk along the skywalk from the station.  I had to dodge my way among the crowd, all rushing along in both directions, at different speeds.  The view on either side of the Bandra east skywalk, is something that our prime minister, the shiv sena, the chief minister, should all observe.  It is the dirtiest, most polluted area, with tinshed slums, built upto 4 storeys, hard to believe, but they should be seen to be believed.  scores of children of all age groups loitering in the plastic strewn,  garbage covered ground along the train tracks, rats running around, goats and hens and stray dogs too.    Forget Mahul, this area is worse, because these slums are thriving, their families are growing, and they flourish on hawking goods along the skywalk, begging, or running tiny shops along the tin shed slums.  Where are their toilets?  Where are their schools?  How many have TB or are drug addicts?  Which water do they drink?  I request the Mirror channel and Faye D'souza, to do an eyeopener in this urban area too.  These slums are happy as they can beg easily, travel easily in the locals and so..........

As I walked along the skywalk, the area on one side is a huge open sewer, with garbage and rubble dumped on one side and cultivated land along the other, irrigated with the sewer water obviously. The other side of the skywalk is a main road, with lots of traffic, and lots of tin shed slums, with blue plastic roofs, lots of open gutters along the road, and lots of barefoot pedestrians.  Shops sell cheap food, cheap clothes, cheap everything.  On the skywalk, these slum dwellers hawk mobile covers, bags, toys, belts, wallets, head phones.  If Mr. Waris Pathan has his way, Byculla will soon replicate Bandra east.  Already, the Khada Parsi statue vicinity is an open slum, after this very old monument has been renovated and been granted an A grade heritage status.  How is it that Mr. Pathan has sooo much empathy for the displaced slum dwellers in Mahul, but he tries his worst, and his goons too try their worst, to terrorise ordinary citizens near his Byculla office?

 Towards the end of the skywalk,  posh HDIC towers glass facade looks imposing, and then is the SRA (slum rehabilitation authority) with a very congested concrete building, the residents of which have thrown garbage out onto their lower roofs, a sad reminder that people do not care for their surroundings unless they are educated.  The end of the skywalk opens onto the Small Causes Court  and lots of advocates and lawyers standing around, soliciting clients, and newly married couples, with their larger family in tow, to sign up and legalise their bond.

At last, I reach the EPFO and am directed to the first floor with a chit in hand, that says number 125, and so my turn comes after 4 hours of sitting in a hot stuffy corridor, with a 'cooler' that dispenses hot water, an okay toilet that is quite clean.  There is a canteen, but it only had lassi and vada pau and sweet tea.  An office that has dotards visiting, with no sugarfree tea, no nutritious snacks for sale, and people are expected to wait for their turn, to be linked on their Aadhar card, and mobile  OTP, for hours and hours, after having travelled from far flung suburbs, to claim (in most cases) a puny monthly pension.  It is heartrending to see some of the dotardliest dotards, who cannot even walk on their own, are supported by relatives, just to come and get their 'alive' certification.

The lift was out of order and the other lift was only for staff.  There is an open area within the enclosed building with a throwball net, I wish I could have had a ball to occupy myself during my 4 hour wait.  At least a television should telecast news for the oldies who are waiting patiently.  Dear government officials,  old people need a little pampering.

So, business men should rejoice, that they are spared this debacle, as they do not qualify for a government 'pension'.

63 - A FART DEFINES ........................................

Pooja Bedi writes  a column for The Times of India paper,  an 'agony aunt' type of column, with a write up of advise and then personal queries are answered.  Last Sunday, the legend on her column was titled, 'A fart defines a relationship'.   I like to read her column and that of certain other female writers like Paromita Vohra, Bachchi Karkaria, Shobhaa De,  Namrata Zakaria and Twinkle Khanna.  But the title this week was a little crude.

There are many jokes about flatulence.  Amazon sells games based on this.  Fart cushions are a cause of humor at parties.  In Russia, special performers perform 'fart' songs.  it is also known as toots, trumping, passing gas, breaking wind.  One Mr. Methane even performed a fart song on Britain's got talent, and the entire audience and judges were disgusted.

Flatulence is caused by certain foods that do not agree with the person and cause gas in the intestine.  Pooja Bedi suggests that couples who can fart in each other's presence, can then bond well.  I beg to differ.  Etiquette demands that certain acts like farting, are not good manners.

New Zealand had levied a 'fart tax' on farmers because of their livestock flatulence.  37m tonnes of methane is produced by wind from sheep, cattle, deer, and it accounts for 60% greenhouse gas emissions.

In some cultures it is a cause of embarrassment or comedy.  Personally, it has affected me, so that I avoid visiting theatres, because the persons around fart inconsistently and then you can only squirm and suffer in silence, the sounds and the smells of disgusting farts.

It would be interesting if Paromita, Bachchi, Shobhaa and Twinkle, give their take on this topic.

59-TRAIN TRAVEL and TRAVAILS

Having to travel from Mumbai to Pune due to family constraints, prompted me to write this blog, and put down my personal experiences about intercity train travel, only confined to these two cities.

Personally, I prefer to travel by train between the two cities, rather than by bus or taxi.  No traffic jams, so I reach my destination on time.  Lots of people to observe,  sales persons come along throughout the journey,  a toilet is always handy.

The train has a soothing rocking movement, and it makes the traveler comfortable, but the train should not be overcrowded. The sound of the train is also quite musical.  CC F AA F,  common time count, with 2 crochets and a minim,  the speed changes from andante to allegro to presto, but always a tempo.  In my mind, when I doze off, there is an entire orchestra accompanying the steady beat of the train.

Starting off at Pune station, one has to be in the general compartment by one thirty to get a window seat, and not one of the aeroplane type seats that are parallel and facing the same direction and so very uncomfortable.  The journey begins at three fifteen, but you can eat, drink, sleep, or just stare at the people entering.  The main torture is that the lights and fans are off  and are switched on only at three.  The announcements are made incessantly and can hardly be deciphered, over the din of the hawkers busily shouting out their wares inside and outside the train.  One blind man walks up and down along the platform, with two noisy toys, one a whacker and the other a rod turner.  I envy the dogs sleeping peacefully under the seats on the platform, in the cool shade, and I also envy the guys walking along or sitting around to see off their relatives, the guys with the latest craze in haircuts, clean shaven, with only a plateau of a crop of hair.  They look so cool while I am perspiring in the hot train.


So many hawkers make a living in and around trains. There are two blind men and one blind woman, who sell Lonavla chikki and jelly sweets, walking along the train bogies with their heavy black reczine bags.  And five or six others, selling chikki, two for rupees fifty.  Some of the hawkers are donning blue tee shirts with the logo "Neelam", announcing their sales pitch loudly, garam garam wada pau, garam samosa, holding their loaded plastic trays adeptly in one hand, kulfi sellers carry a colourful bucket type of container, middle aged women hold tokris on their heads, selling small packets of chana singh, a young boy shouts 'timepass' as he moves along with a very large blue plastic bag, filled with ten rupee packets fried wafers, kurkures, pipes, etc.  What intrigues me the most is that there are innumerable hawkers selling water bottles, with the bottles in large cardboxes over their heads or shoulders, and the brand names of the bottled water, Aqua Power, Oxy Active, Rail Neer, Quench, Splasher, Kinnley, and so on and on. One female hawker sells copper tongue cleaners, ear cleaners and rings, another female sings aloud to sell some Hindu religious books.  The platform has fixed stalls selling cold drinks and bananas, and makeshift stands for guavas and bhel.  The bhel stand has a large tray with small packets of puffed rice and farsan, chopped onion, raw mango, sweet and spicy chutney packets, very attractively decorated with large chillies, tomatoes and raw mangoes.  Rupees twenty for one mixed bhel is value for money, if you don't mind eating from a newspaper poodee.

When the train is about to start, it blows its horn, and proceeds.

After the journey begins, the best natural views are between Khandala and Karjat.  The scenic western ghats with deep valleys and green mountains, with the clouds and mist and waterfalls, are the best part of the entire journey.  Young adivasi lads and lasses get into the train at this point, to sell jamuns, cucumbers, guavas, karvandas, mogra, gajra and the scented yellow chaafaa flowers.  The only man made intrusion along these scenic views, is that of the towering electrical pylons that support high tension wires, which look like tall slender females, dancing with their arms held wide.

I enjoy watching 'goods trains' with their 52 foreign containers in tow, and sometimes chilled tankers of milk.

When the train winds towards Badlapur and Diva, the air is full of a chemical stench, garbage is visible all along the tracks and a narrow water stream can be seen, looking black and blue, and full of garbage.  The ninth tunnel between Diva and Thane is the last one on this route.  The wares that are now hawked are cheap earrings, plastic and crocheted mobile covers, mobile headphones, lighted toys, wallets and plastic files and pouches.

Most of the passengers alight at Dadar.  A dirty half naked urchin comes through the bogies, crawling on the floor, begging.  That is a sure sign that CST is near.  Our olfactory senses can detect Masjid station as the aromas of freshly ground masalas permeate the air.  And then the destination has arrived and the train slows down and stops, as though it is a live creature that has now reached bed time.

As I move out of the platform to access the local train platform, I feel very relaxed as I walk below the ceiling fans with twelve feet long blades, turning so calmly above everyones'  heads.  But the peace is shortlived as I have to adeptly dodge the crowd milling around, walking in different directions, some towards the stationery trains, others towards the exit, while yet others are just talking on their mobile and walking right into others.

61-AN APPEAL TO MULTINATIONAL COMPANIES

This is my personal appeal to multinational companies that post print and TV advertisements which involve young children.  Often the products that are endorsed by very young children, are not appropriate for their age group.  Five to fifteen year olds, are used to promote cars, hair dyes, fabric soap and sugar supplements.

School students are portrayed in a very 'smart alecky' type of attitude.  Students, donning school uniforms, that too in a school environment, are shown insulting teachers.  The  'Colgate zig zag brush'  advertisement that shows a student admonishing his teacher during a parent-teacher meeting, with "teacher, kal raat aapneh palak kee bhaji khayee theeh."  Although the company has been made aware of the insensitivity of this ad, they continue to air it.  This TV ad is in very bad taste, and it makes the younger generation saucy.  What makes me angry, is that,  the 'student' is shown with four to five inch long hair.  Every school that I know of, insists that boys must have a short haircut, yet role models like these encourage long hair for the male students.

Here is a list of multinational companies that feature school going students and show the male students with four to six inches of long hair.  This amounts to surrogate reinforcement that school boys look good or best in longer hair.  Unfortunately, it makes the task of school authorities more difficult to maintain discipline of a neat short haircut for boys.

1)  Pepsodent - toothpaste badal bachoo - 2 boys with 4 inch long hair in school uniform, with two girls.

2) Vanish - Bunty, a school boy with 5 inch long hair, and 'ink kaa daag'.

3) Lifebuoy -  boy with unkempt hair.

4) Aquaguard - 'Rohan, tumhaareh plant meh pharak dikhtaa hai'  and the school boy with the longest hair in the class portrayed, answers, 'maineh healthy paani diyah hai.'

5) Dettol - Dettol kah dulhah. a boy student in school uniform is shown, washing a cycle.

6) Bournvita biscuits - a school boy with 3 inch long hair saying 'healthy tasty'.

7) Hershey's milk - a young school boy with longish hair.

8) Mom's Magic  biscuit

9) Usha air coolers

10)Mahindra SUV

11)Patanjali fresh fruit juice - 8 year old boy with 6 inch long hair, somersaults.

12)Colours channel - A new serial 'mard kah naya roop' a young boy with 6 inch long hair.

13)Nihar hair oil - shows school boys and girls in school uniform, the boys all have long hair.

14)Patanjali rice - patanjali rice, sahseh nice.  This ad shows school boys with 5 inch long hair and Shilpa Shetty.

15)Tide - It show the 'captain' banner on a young male student with a very white uniform and about 4 inch long hair.

16)Suthol talcum powder - a school boy with 6 inch long hair is shown.


Of course, the lengths of hair that I have mentioned are just approximations that I have visually measured.  But students with this length of hair would be sent back home from school, unless special permission has been taken for being part of ads.  So it is a very unfair tactic that multinationals use, by endorsing long hair for male school students.  Not only students but even parents get influenced by these ads and want to see their own sons look 'good', and so are very reluctant to maintain their school going boys' hair at a short length.  It is also natural that balding fathers too dote on their progeny's lush hair growth.

It is very contradictory that even the school that I work for, which strictly enforces the 'short haircut' policy for all male students, felicitated a young boy, with quite long hair, as a chief guest, at a recent interschool programme.  It may be that that boy is home schooled and can maintain his hair length without rebuke from 'school authorities',  but what sort of role model did this portray?  I recall how my son had taken great care to lengthen his locks during college days.  Shampoos, conditioners, straighteners, hair gels, filled up the bathroom shelf.  And then, he had to get a very very short haircut, as a hotel management student, which continues, now that he is a chef,

So, schools should counter the surrogate reinforcement of ads, that endorse longish hair for school boys, by spreading awareness of the 'why not' in this matter.  If anything, it would save a lot of  daily heartache for teachers, who end up being the 'devils' in the bargain.

62 - INTEGRITY???

It is  such a contradiction when the 'great' Salman Khan, the 'king maker' of actor's careers, tweets :     

""How these kids grow up so soon... ALWAYS keep giving your best #ZAHERO no matter what. Stand tall and always bend backwards for those u love and those who love u, Yeh yaad rakhna that the most important thing in life is Respect and Loyalty. @iamzahero""


In the same breath as the person who launched Katrina, Sonakshi Sinha and Sooraj Pancholi??

Mr Salman Khan,  How can you support a rascal like Sooraj, who showed no respect, and no loyalty to the girl who has given him all her love, Jiah Khan.

Wake up Sir, be fair in all your dealings, and then we shall believe what you tweet.

60-PM MR.MODI'S SWATCHCHTAA ABHIYAAN......BLEH.......MY EXPERIENCES

Posting advertisement videos and print media sloganeering is not enough to motivate people to keep their surroundings clean.  The rich people are not bothered and will discard bottles and used tissue and food containers and cans, from their car windows.   The poor are not bothered either.  They will urinate at any 'secluded' spot or any corner of the road or between parked cars, and they will spit any where and from any place.  Shopkeepers throw rubbish just outside their shop and no one can do anything about it.

Often there is no choice, but to throw wrappers and containers onto the space away from your own.  Especially train and bus travellars, prefer to discard rubbish through the window of their vehicle, rather than into the vehicle.  No one is bothered to put rubbish into their bags.  Travelling by train, all passengers throw used paper teacups, vadapau paper trays,  soiled newspaper of samosas or vadas, empty pet water bottles, bhel wrappers, biscuit and chocolate wrappers, etc.  The rubbish crescendoes just after Dadar, Karjat, Lonavla. How else should the travellers discard their rubbish?  When you travel in the Japanese bullet train or on the train up the Swiss alps, each bogie has a garbage bin, but then there are limited passengers, only as many as can be seated.  No standees are allowed.  On Indian trains, if one is lucky enough to get into the train and stand, sit or squeeze between co-travellers, then you are lucky.

So, the message given by the governing bodies that plastic needs to be banned,  but all the garbage is not  plastic.  Even paper rubbish is an eyesore and an environmental hazard.

If one travels by any local train or outstation train from Mumbai,  it is a horrible sight to look out of the window.  The worst is Ulhasnagar, because it is extremely full of garbage and even the stench is unbearable.  How do the people there survive and remain healthy, is beyond belief.

The defecating and urinating on the train tracks has not diminished.   When the slum dwellers have to sleep on footpaths or roads, where are they expected to defecate?  Urban beggars and slum dwellers, defecate on plastic bags and then push it into any drain, the cover of which they manage to pry open.

I am not a homeless person, but even I have a problem of not getting to use a public facility when needed urgently.  Some of the bad spots are CST terminus, Churchgate station, Crawford Market, Gateway, Byculla, Fountain, Mumbai university, and of course any local railway station.  Even if the loos are available, for pay and use, the doors are broken, or they are soiled, or unclean, too crowded, not safe as the doors of the loos are broken, or the ladies loos are locked, etc.   The Zoo has been renovated with an ugly facade, sporting snakes, but the toilets are only accessible to the security guards, public has to use the badly maintained prehistoric loos inside the zoo, horrible!  Shop till you drop at Colaba Causeway and then control your urge to urinate, unless you want to stand in an endless line at the public loo near the Gateway, or use the one at the Macdonalds outlet or Westside.

MLAs and MPs should visit the public loos and check out the sorrowful state that most of them are in.  Maybe Salman Khan should visit the CST loo and improve it, like he did to the prison loos that he had experienced.  Please sir, the governing bodies, especially the Shiv Sena, is indifferent to the problems of the public,  you could do yeoman service instead.  Of course, the Big B only wants to be featured in expensive ads about public defecation etc,  only if were to walk on the road and visit a loo at any station, or travel in a local train,  then I would believe all that he advertises, otherwise your swatchch Bharat ad campaign  is just Modi-worship-Modi-appeasement.  No one would urinate on the road, if the alternative was feasible, available and reachable.

I wonder if the high and mighty, the government 'lal batti' politicians, rich and very rich actors, directors, business persons, who have drivers, every worry about them when they wait in the parked cars, about facilities available for their use.

58 - WALKING IN MUMBAI AND PUNE . . .

In Mumbai, the footpaths are dirty, or in bad shape, with the paverblocks tipping over when stepped on, and splashing dirty water onto the pedestrian, or two wheelers riding across them.  In Pune, footpaths have been taken over by hawkers, with large cardboard boxes, in which they display their ware, blouses, shoes, scarves, purses, belts, stuffed toys, etc.

I  compare these two cities, because I travel to and fro, often.  The footpaths in the suburbs of Mumbai are often unusable because of large garbage piles, or beggars, who have made it their home.  In south Mumbai, the richie rich crowd use the public footpaths as a parking space for their mercedeses,  audis, chevrolets, audis, toyotas  and other super expensive SUVs.  The school where I work has a broad footpath, about ten feet across, all along the road, but it is futile to try to use to walk safely on.  Two wheelers, motorbikers and scooter riders use the footpath as a freeway, riding in either direction, and parking their bikes whenever they wish, blocking the walking space.  The entrance to buildings often has a break in the footpaths and cars and vans are parked in this space, without fear of any type of repercussions. If at all one ventures to use the available space between the parked vehicles, to walk, then the AC drips from overhead, all along the path, puts one off. Any petrol pump along the footpaths, block the entire space with parked cars, and proclaim that it is their 'right' to do so.

In Pune, shopkeepers put a metal platform, made of metal strips, as a way to block the space from vehicles parking along the footpaths.  So the public can access the footpath from the road by climbing onto the platform and entering the path.   In spite of this, some fools park their bike across the platform's outer side and block the entry.

The roads of Pune are overcrowded with 2 wheelers and rickshaws.  In the camp area, M. G. road has been declared a one way zone, but many 2 wheelers break the rules and  no one cares to stop them.There is a desperate need for a skywalk or foot overbridge, for pedestrians to walk  and cross safely.  One evening I visited the famous Empress Botanical Garden, after thirty years and what a shock awaited me.  There is an entry fee of rupees fifteen,  to enter and see a gutter flowing on one side of the garden.  Another area was an enclosed nursery.  There is an open space as one enters, which has a  fair with paid rides and a plastic enclosed mini pool for kids.  The only other lane along the few trees that tower around has been marked as a 'no entry' zone.  The other end of the same path had lovers snuggling on benches along it.  Then there is toilet.  So I can declare that I saw 'kissers' and 'pissers'.  As I continued walking along this path, the vast area of the Empress Gardens that I knew as a child was visible,  but it was covered with rubble, cement and stones, piles and piles of it, almost an area of a hundred metres.  The gutter was again visible, along with 50 to 60 slums, and lots of stray black pigs.  Most of the enclosed area has been fenced off to house the Poonawala horse stables and what seemed to be an air conditioned green house that was out of bounds for the general public.  While leaving the garden, I decided that it would be a good idea to at least walk home and make up for the sad visit.  The tarred road leaves no space for pedestrians, and one has to walk in the stony muddy space along it.  Walking against the traffic is quite a feat.  No one else seemed to be walking, all use two wheelers or a rickshaw, or their car of course.  As I walked along on the uneven rocky muddy side path, a two wheeler raced from behind me, almost brushing against my body.  That was the last straw and I hit out at the rash rider.  That led to loud abuses from them, which was very very depressing.

Mr. Adar Poonawala has won accolades for his effort to clean up Pune, with his mini army of hifi suction garbage vans, but it is a sad state of affairs that the citizens have no proper garbage outlet and so just throw garbage onto the road or footpath.  The most vulnerable areas are where there are roadside food stalls, which resemble a garbage dump when it is closing hours, after ten p.m.  Foolishly, I woke up at 6 in the morning, to go for a walk to work up my health regime,  and the streets filled with garbage were very demotivating.

Every evening, the area where four roads meet, known as Aurora Towers Chowk, is crowded with public eating and drinking from the roadside stalls, juices, milkshakes, pav bhaji, pizza, kulfi, falooda, dosa, sandwich, cholle, pani puri, and so on.  The hotels and restaurants have very few customers.  Same goes for the large shops selling branded clothes, shoes and watches.  The public are buying their wares from the cardboard box, footpath sales persons.  The only shop that is crowded besides, is Dorabjees.  Customers flock into this store, with its two storeys of goods and a very large variety of everything besides clothes and shoes. They stock cakes and chicken preparations, at the entrance, with all brands of drinks, packet foods, veggies, fruits, icecreams, magazines, chocolates, on the ground floor, the next floor has crockery, house hold cleaning items, and the top floor has make up, shampoos, toothpastes. toys etc.Across the road is a mall, with Westside and Macdonalds etc .

Typical to Pune are the 'gadiwallas' or vendors selling the seasonal fruit on their handcarts.  Guavas, strawberries, jamuns, figs, star fruit, litchi, cucumber, jackfruit, taadgolas, a real treat to even watch their decorated mobile shops.  They also maintain stalls along the roadside of busy Lullanagar, Kothrud and Kondwa.  Admiring their goods is free, but buying is another task, as their prices are quite high.

So, I have labelled Pune as the city of knights and drawbridges, although these knights ride two wheelers and the draw bridges are stationary, and only help access to the footpaths.